Tuesday, May 17, 2011

I'm proud...

But a little sad too. Yesterday he who shall be named and I talked about why we could be friends. I wish I could just upload texts it would be sooo much easier! So he told me he didn't want to be my friend because I was so nasty to him the last few months. I corrected him and told him it was really only the last one, and I was sorry (I really am) not because I want him back but because I was wrong to treat him the way I did. I went on about how I have forgiven him when he walked out and basically left us on the street, when he cheated on me, when he snuck out and took Bradley to see some girl.... like all these things that I've forgiven him for and didn't understand why he is can't forgive me the way I forgave him. He told me it was my choice to forgive him, but he is choosing not to forgive me. That there like it pissed me off, but hurt my feelings too. It hurt that I have invested so much into him and went through so much pain for him to turn me away for being mean when he was being lazy and a mooch. So, I told myself last night I wouldn't communicate with him.

I didn't text him, thinking he would text me during the day to ask if he needed to get Bradley. I waited for it just to give him the same answer he's be giving me since he left. So cold. So short. just... No. I waited, and waited. He didn't even text to see if he had to get Bradley. So, as it got to about 5:00, I was itching to text him something, anything. But I didn't. I am proud that we didn't talk today. That I was able to control myself, but I know it's only going to get harder to do that. We'll just see what tomorrow brings and hopefully I will be able to control myself! :)


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